what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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