roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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