...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
