I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
