I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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