So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
