I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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