The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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