We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
third nipple confirmed
sex in a hospital.. check
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
