I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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