I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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