So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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