After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
