Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
