im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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