So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
