New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
