Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
