I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
