had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
