I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
