i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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