I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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