i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
