It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
