i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
