I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
