I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
