She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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