I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
