we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i drank out of a bidet.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
