your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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