Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
