You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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