Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
