I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
