Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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