she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
