I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
