also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
