I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
