It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
