Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
