my phone needs a breathalizer
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
