So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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