puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
