Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I will pee on everything he values.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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