We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
