I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
