she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
