don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
