A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
