his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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