I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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