News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
