At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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