I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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