i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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