i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
