im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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