For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
