So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
being pregnant is like rehab
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Panties = found
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
