Farmville is her only friend.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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