i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
