Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
