I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
