Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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