I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can't turn off my feet"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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