You really coming over, don't trick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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