My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
