I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this will be a night to untag.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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